The Bright Side
That means all happy thoughts, funny (but clean) jokes, crazy memories, and all other sorts of wacky dacky things.
If you have some material that you think should go here, send us a message. If it passes our strict adherence to the humor deficiency disorder act of ‘04, then perhaps it will get posted and you’ll be famous!
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson
You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’. -Homer Simpson
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
He who laughs last didn’t get it.
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
Why is it called ‘after dark’ when it really is ‘after light’?
If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades…or a game of fake heart attack.
Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
Cheese… milk’s leap toward immortality.
So there we are alongside the road and slowly the driver gets out of the car . . and you know how you just-get-sooo-stressed and life-stuff seems to get funny?
Yeah, well, I could not believe it . . . he was a DWARF!
He storms over to my car, looks up at me and says, “I AM NOT HAPPY!”
So, I look down at him and say, “Well, which one are you then?”
and that’s when the fight started . .
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist?”
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says “We don’t serve your kind here.” and the mushroom says - “Why not? I’m a fungi.”
A pony walks into a bar and coughs, “Hey, COUGH. Gimme a bu COUGH a beer COUGH. The bartender serves him and says, “What’s with your voice?” The pony says, “Nothing, I’m just a little hoarse.”
A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables. The bartender says, “You can come in, but don’t start anything!”
A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, “Don’t you need to know where the bathroom is?” The pig says, “No, I go wee wee all the way home.”
A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re quite a celebrity around here. We’ve even got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Steve?”
A little guy walks into a bar and slips on some vomit. Minutes later a tough guy walks into the bar and slips on the vomit as well. The little guy says, “I just did that.” The big guy then beats the little guy up.
An Irishman walks OUT of a bar. Hey, it COULD happen!
A dyslexic guy walks into a bra.